The Stewardesses is a historically important 3-D movie. That's not the same thing as saying it's a good movie, however. Point in fact, when I first saw it in 2006 I stood up at the end of the movie and loudly declared "Somebody owes me 90 minutes of my life". Eleven years later, I still haven't got that 90 minutes back.
Made in 1969 for around $100,000, The Stewardesses went on to make an improbable $26 million at the box office. Part of this surely had to be a novelty factor. After all, this was one of the first pornos as we've come to know them today. Softcore, sure, but nobody had really seen anything like it. Add to that the fact it was in 3-D and of course it became one of the most profitable movies ever.
It's fairly pointless to talk about plot with a movie like this. For the benefit of anyone who hasn't seen a porno before, that's because there is no plot. Just a series of vignettes about the sexual escapades of a group of stewardesses in L.A. one night. A lesbian tries seducing her best friend, one stewardess drops acid and makes love to a lamp (you did not misread that), one takes a soldier headed for Vietnam out for the time of his life, etc. The closest the movie comes to a plot involves a stewardess named Samantha (Christina Hart) dating an ad executive (Michael Garret) in an effort to get him to cast her in a commercial. I would never ruin the end of a good movie, so let me spare you some pain and time: he eventually agrees but tells her she'll only ever be a mouth. After essentially raping her, she's mortified so she murders him and commits suicide. The End.
It's worth noting that Hart went on to play Patricia Krenwinkle in the 1976 version of Helter Skelter. She was also at a screening of The Stewardesses in 2006 at the World 3-D Film Expo II. She walked out of the theater during the acid trip scene. I can't imagine why.
There's two major problems with this movie. The first is the tone. What starts off as a stupid sex comedy slowly turns ugly culminating in the suicide mentioned above. The beginning jokes of the movie are at odds with the final scenes. Mind you, there's plenty of sleazy things in the movie. For instance, the acid trip is a whole new level of "what did I just watch?". But there's different levels of sleaze: this should be sleaze that's fun, not that makes you feel bad for watching it. And yes, by the time The Stewardesses is over, you'll hate yourself for watching it.
The other major problem is the cinematography. It may sound like a weird complaint to make against a porn film, but one would think that a director who created his own 3-D camera would at least have some basic knowledge of how to frame a shot. But the framing in this thing is absolutely abominable. Heads are cut off constantly. There's an occasional decent 3-D shot, but then there's shots where the effect is pretty much ruined by poor framing. I'm not even talking about close ups of breasts or anything like that. I'm talking about full body shots where the top half of the actor's heads are chopped off and yet they're having a conversation! I admit to being astounded at just how poorly done this movie is. It's not merely a bad 3-D movie, it's a badly shot bad 3-D movie.
Despite the story and the incompetent filming, The Stewardesses became the most profitable 3-D movie ever. Unfortunately, it also inspired a decade of trashy 3-D porn films. Films like this one gave 3-D the black eye it had in the public eye for decades. To not put too fine a point on it, The Stewardesses is arguably the worst thing to ever happen to 3-D.
Now Kino has blessed(?) us with a fully restored 3D Blu Ray. I can't say anything bad about the Blu Ray in particular. The image is sharp and no doubt the best the movie has ever looked. Frankly, it's a shame a movie this bad looks so good. The highlight of the disc isn't the movie, but the bonus short included. 1976's Experiments in Love is also pornographic but is more fun, better shot, and has plenty of pop outs. Whether or not the short is reason enough to get the disc is up to you. As for me, I'd still like that 90 minutes back.
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